Guys, your wife or girlfriend may love you because you are a fixer or you know how to go straight to the deep facts of a problem and sort them all out, but when it comes to what’s upsetting her you have to speak to her emotions.
In case you haven’t figured it out yet, God created her differently than you. While you have been engineered to analyze and resolve, she has been built to comfort and nurture. You are more logical, she is more emotional.
When she is upset – and you know she is upset because she is showing it – and you don’t know why she is upset, you need to start using the “feeling” word.
First, you let her know that you know something is wrong. Some women display their emotions more dramatically than others while some don’t show them as much. Either way you let her know that you know something is wrong.
99.9% of the time, guys say, “What’s wrong?” and that’s like fishing with a big hook but no bait. Instead you say something like this, “I know you’re not feeling good about something, what’s wrong?” or “Did I say something that hurt your feelings?” If her love language (5 Love Languages) is touch you put your arm around her or hold her hand.
Use the “feeling” words, because to her the issue is not the issue, the issue is her feelings about the issue. You can say things like “Something has hurt your feelings” or “Your not feeling good about something” or “What made you feel bad?” or “Did I say something that hurt your feelings?”
There is no set phrase that will magically make things instantly right, but the point I want you to understand is you have to speak to her emotions if you are going to fix or resolve the reason why she may be upset.