I don’t have any survey or research study to confirm my opinion, but I think brides tend to get bamboozled by the groom more than a groom gets bamboozled by the bride.
I have some horror stories in my experience of officiating over 5000 weddings that point to the bride as intentionally deceiving the groom in order to get married, but generally I think the groom is more apt to deceive the bride into marriage.
My opinion is based on the nature of guys and gals. Guys tend to be task oriented while gals tend to be journey oriented. It means that a guy is set on getting the marriage to happen, to be completed, and have a successful conclusion. Gals on the other hand are designed to enjoy the relationship journey more than checking a box on an accomplishment goal list.
Now this is the point in this post where I explain what I think is the number one way the groom bamboozles the bride into marriage — by purporting to be a good Christian man.
The majority of brides who lament to me their buyers remorse after the wedding is in this area of claiming to be a good Christian. I’ve heard, “After we got married he stopped going to church.” Or, “He use to talk about the Bible but now he just throws it at me to shut me up.”
When dating he may come across as very spiritual, or very religious, and as a good Christian man. Sometimes it is just an exaggeration on their part to impress you so they kind of force the character traits out in conversations or actions. Sometimes it is more that they have a legalistic grasp of bad theology because they are a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
Ladies, what you want is not a man who thinks he has arrived at Christian perfection, but a man who is authentic about God’s grace and walking with Him.
It also is worth considering that if you are getting into a marriage because that last one didn’t work, it is likely that it didn’t work because someone wasn’t behaving like they were very spiritual, religious, or Christian. So there is a natural inclination to be drawn toward someone who seems to actually possess the qualities of being a good Christian person.
Now, allow me to say a word to you if you feel like you’ve been the bamboozled bride…stop beating yourself up about it because the only way to uncover a Christian faker is to live with one.
Maybe besides being a theologian so you could have caught his deceptive use of Scripture before you said I do, but the truth is you and 99% of other bamboozled brides could not have uncovered their lies without the passing of time.
It really isn’t until after the marriage that a Christian faker begins to let their guard down, so stop blaming yourself and put the blame where it belongs, on the wolf in sheep’s clothing.
In the meantime, that wolf in sheep’s clothing may have caused an unexpected detour in your life, like divorce or separation, but the Lord still has a promise for you “Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart” (Psalm 37:4) “And I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten” (Job 2:25).