It is not uncommon for hospice patients to come to the end of their lives and claim to have visitors who have passed years earlier. For example, a patient may engage in a conversation with a sibling that can’t be seen and that we know has been deceased for several years. Sometimes patients point out their visitors to others and … Continue reading →
I recently watched a documentary that followed a grief counselor as he gave advice and counsel to people and families facing death. I found it very thought provoking because his basic philosophy was that people shouldn’t fear death but instead should see it merely as a part of life. The setting for this documentary and the location of the grief … Continue reading →
Sitting with families who are hearing the bad news of a loved one’s death was a nearly daily occurrence for me when I worked as a hospital chaplain at a trauma center. The way people respond to a physician’s death notification varies so greatly that I began to wonder why and if there is something to be learned about such … Continue reading →
How should we count down our days when we have been given a bad prognosis? If the physician tells you that there isn’t anything that can be done to bring a cure and you’ve been given days or months to live, how should you respond? How should we wait while waiting to die? With the initial news of no cure … Continue reading →
Few of us have actually set out to live our lives as pirates, obsessively searching for rum and treasure while giving no regard for contributing to society or being a morally centered citizen. Some have and they have prisons to call their home. Most of us have set out to do something positive with our lives, like build a family … Continue reading →
There are three things that I hear as a chaplain from people who are counting down the days of their lives. I’ve heard these things as both a hospital chaplain and as a hospice chaplain. These patients have the same common denominator and that is that they are dying and they know it. Here are the three things that I … Continue reading →
If you have a loved one entering hospice care, you will have access to a hospice chaplain. The hospice chaplain is part of the interdisciplinary care team that includes a physician, registered nurses, nurses aids, social worker, chaplain, volunteers, and bereavement specialist. The chaplain’s primary function is to help patients and families cope with the internal struggles that often arise … Continue reading →
Andrew Huberman is a neuroscientist and university professor at the Stanford School of Medicine who offers YouTube videos and podcasts on the neuroscience behind human wellness. Not long ago I listened to a two-hour explanation by him on the neuroscience behind why we grieve after a loss of a loved one. I found it to be absolutely fascinating and thought … Continue reading →
I want to address “death anxiety” and caregivers. In particular, I wish to give you some tips for handling this anxiety when it rises up in your life. First, let me give a disclaimer, I am not a psychologist or trained therapist so everything I share here is pastoral in intent. I am speaking as one caregiver to another caregiver. … Continue reading →
Dave was a childhood friend who I knew from elementary school and the local baseball league. We weren’t particularly close friends growing up in our small Ohio town, because we simply hung out in different circles. It wasn’t until Facebook came around that Dave and I connected. At some point in the 30-years and 900 miles between us, Dave became … Continue reading →
I recently watched a documentary that followed a grief counselor as he gave advice and counsel to people and families facing death. I found it very thought provoking because his basic philosophy was that people shouldn’t fear death but instead should see it merely as a part of life. The setting for this documentary and local of the grief counselor … Continue reading →
I’ve written several posts on various aspects of grief and I have written on the value of using Scripture in pastoral care ministry and visitation. So here I simply want to share some passages from the Bible that can be helpful to encourage those in grief. You can also find other verses at the Topical Verse Finder‘s page on Grief. … Continue reading →
Most of us have heard it said, “When it’s your turn to go, it’s your turn to go” or “When your number comes up, there’s nothing you can do about it” or “We all have an appointed time to go.” I think there is a lot of truth to these statements because I’ve seen otherwise perfectly healthy people not respond … Continue reading →
Grief can feel like a thick fog that prevents you from thinking clearly or even thinking beyond the moment. It can arrest you with its shock and leave you feeling numb. During the early stages of grief our mind can’t easily focus outside the current circumstance. However, the time will come when it will be easier to look outside your … Continue reading →
Somewhere on social media I saw a quote that expressed the idea that grief is an ocean. I don’t know where I saw it, who said it or how it was originally said, but I remember it being put like this: Grief is like the ocean, you can’t stop it, you can only learn to swim in it. That’s a … Continue reading →
I watched an elderly gentleman struggling with saying goodbye to his older dying sister. It was obvious that he felt awkward and was grappling with what to say. He stammered, “You look good today” then he blurted out “My, are we having good weather” and then finally said “Oh, you have a lot of visitors” before he turned away from … Continue reading →
There is a popular adage that goes, “Time heals all things.” While there is some truth to that, it doesn’t mean that healing from our loss will automatically occur with the passage of time. It may be more accurate to say, “Time helps the healing of all things.” I believe it was Billy Graham who once said, “It’s not time … Continue reading →
An advance directive for medical care is how we make our wishes known to our family and healthcare providers if we become too ill to speak for ourselves. Let me mention some medical circumstances that having an advanced directive from the patient is helpful and beneficial. If you get in a terrible car accident or have a bad stroke or … Continue reading →
When a loved one lays unconscious and dependent on a machine to breathe or a simple drive to the grocery store is interrupted by a drunk driver or a physician informs you that the pain you thought was a pulled muscle is actually stage 4 cancer, we ask Why? Why do bad things happen? In this post I want to pull … Continue reading →
I want to address the issue of children in grief and how adults can best help them cope and process their feelings through their journey of grief. So here I am going to share 8 tips or principles and insights to consider when you are in a role of guiding a child through their grief. Know that grieving is unique … Continue reading →
Many years ago I saw a Larry King television show where he was interviewing Tommy Lasorda about the unexpected death of his adult son. Larry King use to have a late night television interview show where he interviewed celebrities and all kinds of famous people. Tommy Lasorda was the manager for the LA Dodgers in the 90’s and very popular … Continue reading →
The immediate shock and despair of a loved one’s passing can leave us feeling hopeless about the future. No matter how much we may think we are prepared, death is devastating. It is the perfect earthly definition of finality, and it’s why we sometimes doubt that we’ll ever feel hopeful again. However, this is an issue dealt with in the … Continue reading →
It is a very emotionally difficult position to be in when a physician asks the family if they want them to do all they can to keep your loved one alive or if you want them to pass away naturally. That conversation, if unprepared for, is very hard to navigate because no one wants to feel like they are choosing … Continue reading →
As a chaplain at a trauma hospital just miles from the beaches of the upper Gulf Coast, I frequently deal with patients and families who have had diving accidents. In my experience, diving accidents best sum up what it means to have your world shattered. Diving accidents means a family has come to our coast waters and beaches for relaxation … Continue reading →